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Here I am again.

Sep. 6th, 2011 | 02:22 pm

Well I know I barely come back here.

There's a reason, I lost the urge to let things out, I have a group of social people I spend a lot of time with in meatspace.

Problem is I'm currently in a mood. Rather depressed.
And I don't find facebook the best place to let that kind of thing out.

I need a space to just put things, and so I dig this account up.

So tomorrow I turn 27... WHat have I got to show for all those years.

No Degree, a ob I can't officially put on a Resume which eats up the last 8 years.

So I'm going to be 27... Unemployable, my visa runs out in a month and I have nowhere to go.

I Feel like shit, look like shit.

Put on a ton of weight.. Went bald... so whee. Life is great.

Hows yours.

Oh yea and still single.

No luv.


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It's been a while

Mar. 14th, 2011 | 07:50 am

I haven't written here in a long time.

Today though has pushed me into a space where I need to vent. To do something, to push it out into writing.

I've had a sore throat since Friday, it was niggling but I could deal with it.

On Saturday it upgraded to a weariness as every time I sallow there was some pain. You dread it, swallow and be fine...

Sunday has taken it to a brand new level of suffering by swinging in a cough.
I never realised how much a throat did until it hurt every time it went through the motions of doing something.

It is now Monday... I have gotten very little sleep. I have taken to swallowing as little as possible end have dreadful amount of whole body motions associated with swallowing.

My current state of utter rage is peripherally related to this.

Being told not to play up my little circus because of how much swallowing hurts is the main point...
This brings rage and furry untold, I boil percolate and actually punched a wall at that suggestion.
Yes thank you I'm volatile. I don't enjoy it, it's not the most wonderful thing in the world. But when your choices are go into a screaming rage and frenzy, attack the other person, or aim at the wall...

I'm feeling incredibly impotent, infuriated, and enraged.

To be demeaned and belittled, when trying to apologise and explain to be cut off... I cannot explain what it felt like. I Finaly managed to take a painkiller, and now I know how people can get addicted to these things.
It i now back to the Saturday sore throat instead of the mad pain.

When in the lowest moment of feelings, to be denied and devalued by loved ones, for them to berate and give you "I told you so" and "You should have listened" when you did follow their recommendations and all they can think is that you didn't.

Try and mend a bridge and be told your behavior is unacceptable... when instead of lashing out at them you swear, and you get shot. "Oh apparently you're well enough to shout."

Being unable to get away from pain is pure torture.
No matter what you do, take or perform, where you are, what you are doing, excersising, sleeping, reading, dreading that moment before swallowing and feeling that pain each time. I'm putting it right up into torture.
Simply because it is pain without escape which is what torture is, relentless agonising pain... Except there is no one i can break down to... No one to confess to to make it stop...

And when on the border of tears being told not to play up "my little circus"

Yes it makes me rage like a caged beast... Commenting about how much it would cost to fix the wall if I had damaged it after I took a swing at it...

All in all. I feel like a freak, an outsider... I feel like no one wants me around, that I don't contribute, that nothing happens. I feel like they don't want me anymore, I just want to play right into that part from pure spite.

I want to scream and shout, "There you are! I am a perfect horrendous shit. Be right, Enjoy your victory, you are completely in correct in that I am unbearable, you can leave with no guilt. Begone."

P.S. I can't tell if the fact i'm in less pain was from Adrenalin or painkiller because of how soon after taking it that I was suddenly in less pain but very much boiling with fury.

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Writer's Block: Fight or flight

Jun. 23rd, 2010 | 03:03 pm

Have you ever struck someone in a fit of anger or self-defense? If so, did you live to regret it?

In self defense quite a few times, but out of anger one that I recall.

Yes that one I regret. It was my lil brother when we were young boys. Still haunts me at times.

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Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck

May. 25th, 2010 | 04:07 pm

Damn it.

Apparently rumors of something bigger coming down.

IF this is true, I'm pretty much stuffed, gonna have to pack everything come back to Aus, start from scratch (yay...)


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May. 24th, 2010 | 01:19 am

Watching trailers is bad for your brain.

They are remakign a French movie, AGAIN, and missing the entire point.

Dinner des cons 1998

Dinner for schmucks


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Still fine.

May. 21st, 2010 | 04:47 pm

Not dead, not wounded, just frustrated.


This is a piece that most people who are watching the current reports about thailand should read, it's described as something Reporters should read before reporting but unfortunatly thats a little too late.

A lot of misconceptions have been floated about on the current situation out here.

Still here.
Everything starting to go qiuet again and the affected area's going abck to normal.

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Blind leading the Blind

Mar. 22nd, 2010 | 12:37 pm

The biggest clue that the 'red shirts' are being mislead and told trash.
Just read some of these.

"Abhisit must return power to the people so they can have something to eat," he added as he painted while trying to avoid the smell of blood.

Yes their latest thing is to make a really big painting using human blood.

For the love of cute puppies people put that shit away!

The artist will also mix some blood with cement to build four city pillars and sculpt an image of Nuamthong Paiwan, a taxi driver who used his own cab to ram a tank in a show of defiance against the military coup in 2006.

The rest of the blood will be mixed with resin for headbands as souvenirs for protesters.


Another one drew a gun and two bleeding hands apparently to symbolise the government hurting people...
This might be "Oh okay" for some of you, but lets frame it.
He' in a protest to Bring back Thaksin, the man who set up and organise the previous war on drugs out here in Thailand... he had a lot of people just straight up shot/ dead, resisting arrest of course or some such. (Pretty brutal campaign in a country where drugs is a death penalty offense sure.)

Suddenly that painting becomes a lot more questionable.

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An old joke

Mar. 16th, 2010 | 12:27 pm

DIRTY JOKE!Collapse )

Because I needed some catharsis and I thought I would try my hand at that horrible joke.
Now it's pretty coprophile simply because It's easy and I didn't want to mix in fiction.
Easily could have derailed into some really putrid crap.

Completely unrelated to current real world events

Probably could use an editor and someone else to help refine but it's a filthy old joke.

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Not awesome.

Mar. 16th, 2010 | 09:53 am

Not one bit.
First of all they are using 5L jugs (no more 666 bottles of blood.)

Worst of all...
They are doing it.
And using children


Oh and as an Added little tidbit.

Protest organisers have told shop owners/business owners in the protest area's they are not allowed to complain about loss of business because of the protest since it is their right to protest.

I'm sure guys

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This is sick

Mar. 15th, 2010 | 02:38 pm

Protesters wanted 1 Million people to turn up they had maybe over 100 000 at one point but seem to have dropped below by now. (4th day of protest)

Trying REALLY hard to come up with that 1 million figure one way or another.
the red shirts came up with this brilliant genius plan


Natthawut Saikua, a red-shirt leader, announced at 1:40 pm Monday threatened to pour 1 million cc of blood of 100,000 red-shirt people around the Government House.

Natthawut said the red-shirt people would collect their blood and pour the blood at every gate of the Government House at 6pm.


Right so... You need give or take 200cc per person given some wastage and say some discrepancy for not having 100,000 protesters but wait there's also old ladies and young people among the crowd so maybe 400cc per person... to be collected and spilt on the ground in front of government house in 4 hours time... I sure hope you guys can source 100 000 needles in time otherwise "Sharing and caring" is taking a whole new meaning.


And now it's awesome.
No longer awesome


Nation: How much is 1 million cc of blood? Our calculation is 750 or so big bottles of water that you get from gas stations.
Twitter community is intensely scrutinizing the blood donation plan. Most say it can't be properly done under the circumstances. Hygiene concern is the biggest issue.

To correct our blood calculation, it will take 666 1.5 litre bottles _ the type handed out at gas stations _ to contain the amount.


666 bottles of blood on the wall...
666 bottles of blood on the wall...
You take one down you spill it on the ground...

damn your 5L jugs

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BAd Bad place

Mar. 11th, 2010 | 05:41 pm

I'm in a really bad place right. See you if I come out on the other end of it.

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Mar. 10th, 2010 | 03:26 pm

Well, Hope to see you guys next week.

Deputy PM Suthep concedes possible bombings in 30-40 Bangkok locations
BANGKOK, March 10 (TNA) - Thailand's Deputy Prime Minister Suthep Thaugsuban on Wednesday conceded that an intelligence report warns of 30-40 small bombings plotted across the Thai capital this weekend, but he vowed the government will not allow...

More to come...

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(no subject)

Feb. 26th, 2010 | 06:57 pm

I'm alive.

Doing various things.
Have not posted here in over a year.

Had a longer post but it got eaten by crappy internet when it wouldn't post and draft save didn't keep it.

Nutsheel: Who knows whats going on, need to discover what I want to do with myself.
Might end up in europe in june (maybe sooner/later) for a couple of months

Wee how well that pans out considering my last Move somewhere for a year and come back turned into 6, no 7 years here...

Miss you guys.

Want to go out and hang out at cafe but I don't have friends to do that with out here.
(Have friends but not that do that kind of thing)

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*Ding* Announcement

Dec. 19th, 2008 | 09:22 pm

Dear Australia.

Fear please.

Wuffy Is coming down to Sydney.
I will be arriving on the 30th at Ungodly AM.

This Enforced holiday will last until the 19th if all goes smoothly.
At worst I will be stranded in Australia trying to find somewhere to live and a Jerb(job).

I will be couch surfing at my brothers during that time. (He doesn't know yet, Haven't been able to catch him with the news yet.)

We will see what we see.


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Bwahaha, this is terrible (in the funny sense) XD

Nov. 12th, 2008 | 03:48 pm


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Sep. 24th, 2008 | 01:41 pm

I've been added by a bunch of Russian Photography journals as a friend... They have cool pictures.

Here are two
Read more...Collapse )

So has anyone else heard about the gigantic Human Smiley as portrayed behind the cut?

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TV Stuff

Sep. 5th, 2008 | 10:31 pm

Holy crap...

I've been watching Dead Like me.. The whole thing, Just looked up the guy who plays Rube...

It's Inago Montoya!
Holy crap.

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Not dead

Sep. 2nd, 2008 | 11:28 am

I'm guessing anyone who has heard the latests thats all there really is to say.

I'm okay.
Things are not burning.
Just some silly fight between two political factions using lots of puppets.


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I can't believe it.

Aug. 23rd, 2008 | 09:22 am

1 day and a half...

Just realised I haven't eaten since thursday night.

Must go remedy that.

(Yes I know poor update, I was just shocked...)

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Aug. 11th, 2008 | 03:20 pm

Just the other day My friend decided he got what the hell was wrong in the world.

It was this stranger danger thing.

Telling children don't meet strangers.

I just grabbed random Penn and teler episode ot watch today... It was the episode off Bullshit, about "Stranger Danger"

Weird coincidence...

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Dork Moment

Jul. 23rd, 2008 | 05:01 pm

You know you are a geek, in the midst of geeks, when you can recap a weird moment as. "It was like watching TCP/IP protocals negotiate... And get laughter form everyone else.

Two peoplew ere talking but were not hearing each other quite fully.

They just kept saying the same thing back and forth.
"I'm not here tomorrow."
"Oh so you are not here tomorrow."
"Yea I'm not here tomorrow."

On end for two solid minutes.

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Jul. 18th, 2008 | 06:28 pm

So I've been putting posting some of the more shocking things that have happened lately to me.

Torn between keeping them to myself and just processing them myself (As I mostly did.)
Spilling it forth letting everyone see whats going on.

So this is mostly to let everyone know whats been going on I will be going far back to give context.

Ramblings about dealing with friends situation.Collapse )And just to prove how freaking weird I am, a complete mood change.

I've been reading a friends blog about his and his four friends trip from Paris to India
Spending 5 weeks on motorcycles just driving their way there.

Makes me wanna go visit Russia, I really want to go out there and explore it.
Of course I want people to come with me, Lonesome traveling could lead to (further) Insanity.

Considering the big ramble behind the cut up there... If not soon then when?

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Political rollercoaster.

Jun. 23rd, 2008 | 06:16 pm

So things are escalating overtly which is rather surprising here.

But anyway, there's potential for ANOTHER military coup mounting.

Lots of double talk and fake political rallies. (If you ever need a Heavy dose of cynicism follow Thai politics)

Current prime minister is leaving some people unhappy, lots of people are protesting, (but they are being supported and *FUNDED* [Yes protests are paid for round these parts] by the previously outed last prime minister.

Military has tried to explain to him in some very round about ways and layered speech which is rather common round here that they aren't happy and he should walk away as it were and step down.

Now for the last month the PAD (peoples Democratic Alliance) have been protesting Samak (current minister) telling him, please step down we don't like you, in ways that aren't as direct as you would expect from street protesters. (Also some discussions and mentions that most of this group is currently supported and funded by current military who were key to throwing out last minister.)

The other day, the current minister on his weekly TV show (I kid you not)
That he won't be pushed out of government by protesters.

This reply came not after a month of protesting, but a DAY after the military called him in for a talk about how they were not too happy with his performance.

So, depending on how the week will go, we might hit another coup.

Currently votes of no confidence being organised against current minister and his cabinet.

(If you think I am joking about protester purchasing, well vote buying is a common tradition round these parts considering the last prime minister is up for tax evasion charges on the stock of his own personal corporation numbering at somewhere in the billion of baht, and most protesters, voters, being rather poor, can be bought for a few hundred baht.

Anyway. See whats going on later.

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Not right

Apr. 21st, 2008 | 07:09 pm

Not right at all.

If this test wasn't doing itself enough favours.
It's an IQ test with... 20 freaking questions...

Worst of all this is my score.

IQ Test Score

That proves it's BS...
I can't score that high ;)

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Apr. 21st, 2008 | 06:46 pm


Wanna go to Venice?


Island here all the dead from the bubonic plague were piled up, burned, then loaded with those suspected to having said plague...

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Gaming group Drama

Apr. 21st, 2008 | 01:06 pm


So Last night during gaming I kinda lost my cool went WAY overboard with my frustration last night.

My character had been currently butting heads with another, and yesterday at one point during the campaign I just plopped him in a corner scuttled up into some crawlspace and said he was scampering away from the group.

Basically I had grown tired of how my character was getting constant death threats from the other guys character... Was wearing rather thin.

I seemed to have gone overboard with my venting giving impression that I was out of the game.
When I was just going to retire my character... And we play at my house...

So I screwed up there.
The other player got annoyed, got the impression I personally didn't like him, or had issues with him. Anyway, moodyness ensued, today we all receive the message he is dropping gaming for a while because he hasn't been enjoying it.

So here I am, a little lost trying to get in touch with him and try see if he wants to head on out and have a drink so we can talk things over smooth out some of the crap thats been building up.

I like him, he's a good friend, I'd hate to think that I gave him the impression I dislike him.

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Apr. 8th, 2008 | 12:16 pm
mood: sadsad

Brother has gone back to AustraliaCollapse )

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Lol Blizzard

Apr. 1st, 2008 | 04:11 pm


Bard class.

Play WoW like you were playing Guitar hero.


Edit: Silly Wuffy forgot to mention. It's A April's fools page thingy.

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Mar. 22nd, 2008 | 10:26 pm

I'm posting from the beach.

Well close nuff.

I just spent a week up here, going back tomorrow night taking a quick peek o the webs after a week of away time.

Luv ya alls.

Miss all my wonderfull friends.

Things working out decently up here.
I took the week away to sot out what is happening with me and where I wan to go.

Week after next I'm taking my certification for NLP, sometime in mid winter (for Australia, summer for nothern hemisphere)
I will be going to Santa Cruz and complete my master practitioner certification. After this we will see where the business opportunities lie.

Things seem well.
I need to leave the country to renew my visa. I hope to come visit Australia again soon.

I am going to meet a fur from France who came to Thailand to spend time with the monks. She soudns rather cool.

See how thigns work out, wether I live in Aus or stay here and visit as often as possible.

Still waiting for someone to get some cash together and take a holidy to come up and visit me, Ya lazy bastards. ;)

Currently dealing with this kinda life growing on him.

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More stuff with movies

Feb. 29th, 2008 | 08:14 pm

More weird movie stuff.

Kung Fu DunkCollapse )

Here's a thai one.

Read more...Collapse )
Oh.. And this blurb really makes me want to go to this movie...

No Country for Old MenCollapse )

Yay.. Quality...
BTW all are PG 13 rated...

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Stargate thing panel dragoncon 2007, derailment into furries

Feb. 22nd, 2008 | 03:42 am

Youtube clip here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YFzDq6AnR5I

Christopher Judge Getting explained what the common understanding of furries is. IE the CSI explanation.


Love his reaction.

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*Whine cry bitch*

Feb. 18th, 2008 | 05:05 pm

Bullshit whining behind the cut.
Move along.

Read more...Collapse )

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Something I was taught

Feb. 14th, 2008 | 07:19 am

I was taught a long time ago.

If you don't claim responsibility. You will never change anything.

Responsibility is not fault.

Simple example.

When one has placed something on the table and accidentally knocks it off.

If one accepts they played a part in it's fall One can pay attention to it when it next occurs.

If one complains about the mess, grumbles about having to clean it, Complain about bad quality of glass. It will again be placed precariously and be knocked off.

There is no need to accept fault.
But as people we need to accept responsibility.

As Humans... We need to accept other humans have done things, and that by accepting those things we can move on.

I need to remind myself of this more often.
So I tell you all. So that you may tell me when I forget.

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Sweeny Todd

Feb. 5th, 2008 | 11:52 pm


The movie was great.

The only thing I want to bitch about and scream my head off over is something no one here on my friends list will have to endure.

Lucky you.

They decided to censor all the violence.
So there are people with their throats cut open... Except it's BIG HONKING PIXELS.
Also the Gin bottle, 1 time out of 3 was censored.

Major problem is that not only did this detract from the movie.
The freaking editor also changed the colour and contrast.

SO we o from moody dark sombre lighting. To somehow obscenely shiny high brightness and high contrasts... Every scene someone is about to get themselves cut.

Go for ruining effect and lighting.


PS.. fuck you spell check, Colour has a U in it.

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Jan. 18th, 2008 | 09:37 am

I know many people have many strange things with Chocolate.
Some rather interesting. Other's less so.

Where does... How does one explain something like this?


Bacon chocolate?

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Icon related

Jan. 17th, 2008 | 08:45 pm

I had to look around googling a bit before I finally hit what I was looking for.

On the ABC website non the less.

Blackest black EVER.

Carbon nanotubes have made new standards on Black.
Making it the blackest black ever to be black.

Absorbing 99.9% of light.

All the related science factoids (For those who like me are interested in such.) are contained on the page previously linked.

I just wanted to make an LJ post about How the Blackest Black previously known to man has been out blacked.


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Dec. 19th, 2007 | 02:40 am

Well this is messed up


NSFW At all... Ever.

Japanese girl, happy life tc.. then Yakuza ninjas destroy everything she has.
Boyfriend, family, left hand.

She then goes on a obscenely huge ludicrous rampage of destruction.

By building a minigun attachment for her left arm...
Various things included in this movie.
Chainsaw. Tempura. Sushi. Ninjas. BLOOD. Yakuza

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Oct. 24th, 2007 | 05:55 pm


I've just been Friended by Russians.

WHOO!! 0anikeev0

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Quick Update.

Oct. 24th, 2007 | 09:34 am

Nothing much happening lately.

Work, Gaming, Re organising actual job.

Went to see Megadeth last night, live concert.
Still a ringing in my right ear...

That was fun.
Well worth going with my friends.

Still Alive.

That is all.

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Firefly + Johnny Cash

Sep. 22nd, 2007 | 11:33 am

Well After hearing this song earlier this year (Thanks to velvetmafia)

I just popped this open randomly (was viewing dorktastic doco about two DnD nerds.)

Wow... That song is pretty darn strong.

In anycase.
Hurt - Johnny Cash, put to firefly snipets.

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Jul. 14th, 2007 | 08:27 am

Mix ALice in wonder land with transformers

You get the playing card transformer.

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Ramblings (Spaming scamming)

May. 22nd, 2007 | 03:53 pm

I had been mulling things over inside my head this morning for a fairly interesting post.

Then I completely forgot about it and looked through my junk mail.

Two made me laugh.

One was a job interview offer, That i could easily do no mater my education and be a financial broker. Interesting idea but in anycase here is the really funny one.

EmailCollapse )
To file for your claims,please contact the authorized officer in

Mr.Wayne Anderson
Microsoft Promotion Award Team
Head Winning Claims Dept.
Email: claimsagent_officer100@yahoo.co.uk

Yeap... To redeem my prize of 500 000 pounds from Microsoft. I have to email a guy with a Yahoo email address...

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May. 12th, 2007 | 02:23 am


The Taiwanese way.


These people kick the shit out of each other... over the budget bill.
They actually come to blows when making legislation...


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May. 12th, 2007 | 02:20 am

Yes that movie with Nicholas cage.



That was really really cool.

I liked it.


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May. 11th, 2007 | 01:24 pm
music: Polka loka - Songs to wear pants to


This is Completly insane.

This guy makes songs based on instructions sent by people.



dear songmaker: please make an a capella chant-type song about people who photocopy their body parts (you may wish to focus on the photocopying of the buttocks), with at least 14 layers of your voice.

And they sound REALLY good.

Touchtone Genius is great.

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Yoinked from arradius

Apr. 19th, 2007 | 11:22 pm


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Apr. 17th, 2007 | 11:29 am

Mario + 300


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Apr. 15th, 2007 | 01:16 am

The Grand and generous velvetmafia gave me some awesome.

Have pocketwatch of shinyness.

Note. I am still in Melbourne... Next sunday... damn thing keeps getting pushed back... gah.

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Apr. 5th, 2007 | 03:48 am

After round two of seeing this movie, I have made a choice.

I know what I am wearing next Halloween...

Oh yes... It will be horrific.

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Apr. 2nd, 2007 | 12:47 am

I have no right to Angst be feeling kinda cruddy.

No real Ideas on How or why.

Guess it's just that time again.

Real Update:
Things here in Melbourne are great.
Love being down here. Weather is so much more appealing and wonderfull.
So terribly tempted to willingly botch my Visa and passport application just so I can stay.

Thing I really should not do to say the truth.
Being very counted on back in Thailand.

Not sure why. (Sorry that feeling useless thing crawling back and consuming my mind.)

I think there is a horrible blow at me right now (Now that I am reflecting on it)
That I am feeling terribly terribly un... Self sufficient.
Just the uneasy horrible feeling like i'm just... ridding and cruising on other peoples efforts.
Makes for an interesting holiday to tell the truth.
Probably mentally blocking any kind of introspection truth.

Need more pants.

It's Late. I'm not actually tired. But I should go to bed.
Well I am tired I'm just. Not in the mood to sleep.
Moods. Funny fucking things.

Urge to delete this post is really great, but I figure it has it's place in this journal.

It is after all a journal. And while this is a considerably public forum. I am not averse to divulging personal things.

In anycase. Going to surf the web a while longer. SLeep for a few hours.

Hopefully not bother too many of the residents here. Wonderfull people to put up with me.

I hate being mopy and self depreciating.
Sometimes I can't help it.
Something else I am wondering wether I should eviscerate a section of my personality.

It seems to be causing trouble.

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